By Donna J. Adams
I cried as I hung up the phone. .Jake my two year old collie had a terminal illness, hereditary kidney failure, and the veterinarian had recommended that I have him put down so that he wouldn't suffer. jake had been a lifesaver to me since I had just been given the diagnosis of having multiple sclerosis. Jake became my constant companion. Now I had to tell my best friend good-bye. I had to ask my son to take him back to the veterinarian's office to be put down since I could not do it myself. I buried my face in his long fur, hugged him, and said the hardest words I had ever said. " Good-bye my friend till we meet again. I loved you as I will never love another." My son came home and put Jake's collar in my hand. I clenched it in my hand until it left an imprint in my palm. And so it began.......
The house was hollow and empty. No clink of license tags jingling on the collar like Jake had as he moved through the house. Bowls sat in the corner, never to be used again. My sadness was felt by everyone in the family. I hoped I was dreaming but the collar in my clenched fist told me different.
Two days later my family talked me into going to the local shelter to perhaps finding a small dog that would help to fill the void that losing Jake had caused. It was almost dusk as we approached the driveway to the shelter. The headlights of the car painted a gloomy picture as the beans of light passed over the bleak cinder -block building, casting long shadows of gray. From the inside of the small building come the sounds of barking, low at first, but the volume intensified as more dogs joined the chorus. I clenched Jake's collar more tightly in my hand, to remind myself that another dog could never have the love that I had given to Jake. That having this dog was my way of placating my family so I could grieve alone.
As I rolled my wheelchair down the narrow aisle way I was determined with the purpose of getting a small dog. As I reached each cage door and looked inside I saw Jake's image staring at me. The tears started again as the empty feeling returned. I rolled swiftly down the last row of cages, seeing nothing. Suddenly a familiar voice from the front of the building called my name, urging me to come out to the front quickly. My spouse called my name again, imploring me to hurry to where he was in the exterior of the building. My spouse John knelt on one knee in front of one of the most enormous dogs I had ever seen. The brown and black dog sat in front of my spouse., its massive paw resting on John's knee. The dog's large pink tongue lolled out of the huge mouth as it looked at John with giant gentle eyes. That said "Take me."
The scene before I left me spellbound. As I stared the big dog turned his attention to me as if he knew I was the one who would be choosing the dog that would be going home with us. The dark eyes of liquid brown seemed to look all the way down into my soul. I actually think that this dog could tell how I was feeling and the emptiness I felt inside. As if on cue that loveable ball of fur turned, rose on his hind legs, and put a paw on each of my shoulders. Those soft pools of brown looked into mine and it was if the dog spoke. "I know you are hurting, but if you give me a chance I will heal that hurt and love you unconditionally for the rest of my days. Please take me home."
I rubbed that large head and buried my face in his neck fur, and then I unclenched my fist, took Jake's collar and put it over the gentle giant's head. I had found a place in my heart that was now filled again with love. I listen. The jingling starts. The bowls in the corner are again full, a reminder that love is a circle that never ends.